My Suicide

I'm moving backwards, nearing the edge of a precipice. If someone doesn't stop me soon, I will fall down and be lost forever. With every step I move, I know I'm getting closer to a sure death. But I still walk, fear in every part of my body, unable to stop myself, almost as if hypnotized. It isn't so far away now, I will soon fall. Hope has now given way to despair. Someone must come. Surely, someone will see me and stop me. I keep walking, but no one comes. Now I resign myself to my fate. I can do nothing about it, no one was going to come, and I couldn't stop myself. Anyway, this was the best way, better than the slow, torturous death I was to bear. This would be quick, at least.

There were a lot of things I wanted to do before I died. Now I couldn't. I am only a few steps from the end. I start counting all those whose lives had changed because of me. The count did not even reach all my fingers. I feel bad for those who love me; they wouldn't even find my body. I wonder when my mother would find the letter that I had so carefully hidden. Maybe she would respect my decision…or maybe she would blame herself. I curse myself for writing it now. What was the point of troubling my mom? But I can't change that now. It's done, and I hope for the best.

I reach the end; the next step will throw me headlong into the raging water below. One last time, I look at everything around me, savouring it all. I pause for a moment in doubt. But I have come this far, and must not be afraid now. I take the fatal step. I can feel myself falling, but I can't look down. I look up at the sky, covered in dark clouds, and it depresses me. I close my eyes, and I feel the calm envelope me. I seem to have been falling for an eternity. The ravine was big after all, bigger than I thought. I keep falling, it doesn't seem to end. By now I'm scared again, I thought this would be easy, but it's not.

I don't want to die anymore. I try to clutch desperately at something, but all I feel is the cold air around me. I lose my senses as I hit water with force. I am drowning but I can't even feel it. I realise what is happening, and try to escape, try to pull myself up from the water. I am a good swimmer, I am sure I could get to land. But my foot is stuck in something, and my hands are numb. I try harder, but I can see it is of no use. In one last desperate attempt, I pull myself to the surface. I look up at the sky for a minute, almost thinking that I saved myself, but a torrent of water pushes me down again.

 
 

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