This is a simple narration of a very important experience of my life....my first time being a teacher (of sorts).
Economics tutorials were scheduled for the last month of the semester and so I spent most of my semester in sweet indifference. Early November had me sweating though. Before I even reached college after my mid-semester vacation/internship, the tutorial question was out. But Economics was 'my' subject, and I was pretty confident (almost arrogant, come to think of it) about it. After all, hadn't I explained economics concepts to my friends a million times!
Still living in blissful oblivion, I collected the papers allotted to me and like everything else in my life, kept them aside for when I was 'in the mood'. Soon as I began correcting the first paper though, all the wind had left my carefree sails. I realized that this wasn't anything like explaining economics to friends, or helping with editing projects. For one, there was a hierarchy. I'd been forced to put myself in a superior position, being the 'teacher' so to speak (Trust me, by the time I was done, I felt anything but superior!). Secondly, I knew I would be judged, possibly more than I would have to judge them. And third, I realized my economics was more rusty than I thought.
I obsessed over this for an entire day, worrying myself till I could worry no more. And being compared by friends to a certain eminent jurisprudence professor, who had been less than liked in college, wasn't helping my confidence any. I finally did manage to push my thoughts to the background and finish the papers, more because I didn't have a choice in the matter than anything else. But this was only the first (and in retrospect, almost the easiest) part of the entire ordeal.
Next came the dreaded discussion! Now this one really had me hitting the panic button. Having always been of the firm opinion that disinterested students were nothing but a reflection on the quality of teaching, I realized that this time, I'd have to pit my logic against myself.
So it was with great trepidation that I began the first session. But almost as soon as I began, I realized why I was doing this. I remembered the love I had for economics, the passion with which I had thrown myself into it in my first year. I thought of how Nawn Sir would be proud of me. And my fear vanished. It no longer mattered if they thought I was stupid because I didn't know the answer to any question or if I answered wrong. I recalled how much fun my friend and I used to have in the first year, sitting around early mornings, sipping tea and discussing the day’s readings – challenging assumptions, disagreeing with each other, proving each other wrong, being proved wrong. And I realized that I'd been given a chance to do that all over again. So I concentrated on simply enjoying the feeling of being in the middle of an economics-related discussion after a very long time. The response I got startled me and I was genuinely touched by the interest shown.
Having now finished marking (another hard job), I have come to realize that a teacher's job isn't half as easy as it might seem. Holding people's attention, trying to be fair without being too soft, accepting and learning from mistakes and growing with the students are all part of it. But nothing beats the feeling of knowing that maybe, just maybe, you’ve helped another person find the love that you have.
So this is dedicated to all the second years in my group – gratitude for your interest, your patience and your acceptance, and sincere apologies for all my mistakes (which were many). And more importantly, to all my teachers – for teaching me, even when I didn't want to learn.
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