You know i don't usually talk about my day and what happened to me and what i felt and all of that. I leave it to the other bloggers. After all, you're not my diary. And I'm not 14 years old. So usually, there's no 'dear diary' business. But yesterday.........well, yesterday was so bad that I feel that I'm in high school again. Let me tell you what happened -
11.11.2012
Dear Diary
Today was a horrid day. I was in a foul mood all day, and ended up with an extended bout of crying in the night. It all started in the morning, when I woke up really late. I then had to have an argument with my boyfriend and his friend about stepping out. My boyfriend's friend's girlfriend and I wanted to go sightseeing here, get some air; the two boys wanted to sit in. It was all very unpleasant. We did manage to go out to see this beautiful little palace here. But we walked there, and as Ra (the Sun God, not Royal Airforce) and I don't get along very well in general, all that heat gave me a terrible headache and worse mood. We came back and I sat around getting very bored for a very long time and feeling quite, quite horrible about everything. Later in the evening, I see that my ticket to leave is not confirmed. A call to my friend (whose dad is a bigshot in the railways) usually does the trick. But well, let's just say that I had my overestimated my good luck. After that came the worst bit. The part where I told my dad and he yelled and yelled and yelled and told me what to do (as usual) and threatened to cut me loose (financially you see, because I am, after all still dependent on him). And that was quite horrible. cuz that's when I felt like I was 15 years old again, knowing that despite my resenting this breach of my privacy and being old enough to look after myself, and do my own thing, I knew that I had to toe the line. He has the money. I don't. So I cried a lot about this, and thought a lot about this, and I know (I mean, I really really understand) why women just absolutely must get an independent source of income. I can't be free until I earn my own money. Such a sad, cynical thing to realize. And no matter how good someone is, or kind, or how close you are, no one is above pulling the money line on you. It's cheap, it's ugly, it's true.
Sincerely
unhappy little girl
11.11.2012
Dear Diary
Today was a horrid day. I was in a foul mood all day, and ended up with an extended bout of crying in the night. It all started in the morning, when I woke up really late. I then had to have an argument with my boyfriend and his friend about stepping out. My boyfriend's friend's girlfriend and I wanted to go sightseeing here, get some air; the two boys wanted to sit in. It was all very unpleasant. We did manage to go out to see this beautiful little palace here. But we walked there, and as Ra (the Sun God, not Royal Airforce) and I don't get along very well in general, all that heat gave me a terrible headache and worse mood. We came back and I sat around getting very bored for a very long time and feeling quite, quite horrible about everything. Later in the evening, I see that my ticket to leave is not confirmed. A call to my friend (whose dad is a bigshot in the railways) usually does the trick. But well, let's just say that I had my overestimated my good luck. After that came the worst bit. The part where I told my dad and he yelled and yelled and yelled and told me what to do (as usual) and threatened to cut me loose (financially you see, because I am, after all still dependent on him). And that was quite horrible. cuz that's when I felt like I was 15 years old again, knowing that despite my resenting this breach of my privacy and being old enough to look after myself, and do my own thing, I knew that I had to toe the line. He has the money. I don't. So I cried a lot about this, and thought a lot about this, and I know (I mean, I really really understand) why women just absolutely must get an independent source of income. I can't be free until I earn my own money. Such a sad, cynical thing to realize. And no matter how good someone is, or kind, or how close you are, no one is above pulling the money line on you. It's cheap, it's ugly, it's true.
Sincerely
unhappy little girl
oh god i see you have met the worst feeling ever i am sending good thoughts in your general direction
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